After the WWE intro, a recap video of last night's Wrestlemania plays, followed by:
Fireworks galore! Cheers of approval, signs being waved by the crowd. It is a festive night as the camera is drawn to the SmackDown! commentary team, Michael Cole and Tazz!
"Welcome everybody to the season premiere of SmackDown! We're in store for what is sure to be an exciting night!" Cole announces in stoked tones, dressed in his best black suit complete with bow tie.
Tazz nods his head behind his infamous black glasses, wearing a similar black suit but stylized with an orange tie as his voice echoes the excitement that is pulsing through the arena. "No doubt, Cole! We're in for one hell of a rocket-buster tonight!" Cole nods as a visual slide reveals a Last Man Standing match between Batista and The Undertaker. "After all the controversy last night at Wrestlemania, Tazz, I worry that either man will be able to answer the 10 count."
The ring bell sounds, much to the delight of the fans, as the classic, guitar-laced theme song for one of their favorites fills the arena.
"This triple threat match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the United States Championship!" Tony Chimel, SmackDown! announcer, explains to heavy applause from the frenetic crowd. "Introducing first: from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at 225 pounds, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!"
The incredible entrance from Shawn Michaels electrifies the crowd even more as he gestures warmly to the fans after kneeling down on the entrance ramp during a fireworks display. The crazed crowd reciprocate his lively efforts with an increase of cheers. Some women in attendance are singing along to the "sexy boy" lyrics as Michaels rolls into the ring with much enthusiasm, as the guitar fades out and a Latino accent booms through the speakers.
"Viva La Raza!"
"From El Paso, Texas, weighing in at 228 pounds, one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Eddie Guerrero!" Chimel explains, as a gnarly pimped-out low-rider bounces in from the left side of the stage. Hydraulics woo the crowd but their gleeful laughter can't be heard over "Lie, cheat, steal!" as the equally energetic lucha-libre wrestler dances his way to the ring in a groovy rhythm.
But a familiar bell sounds the end of the shenanigans, straight out of Wall Street.
"Residing in New York City, weighing in at 297 pounds, the United States Champion, John... Bradshaw... Layfield, J - B - L!"
A shimmering white limo has smoothly cruised in from the right side of the entrance ramp. JBL exits, wearing a white towel and ten gallon hat, and raises a hand toward the crowd, with the US title around his waist and a warm pompous smile on his face. He pays no mind to the unanimous booing from the thousands in attendance.
"I love it, Cole. JBL is the man, rolling in with style!" Tazz comments, a bit envious of the lavish entrance made by the boastful superstar.
"Yes, Tazz, but his money won't save him from losing this match! Two hungry challengers await him in the ring!"
"Well, there's only one way to find out! This match is going to be off - the - chain!"
A quick pace is set early-on by those two hungry challenger, but the brawling-savvy champion holds his own until he finds himself positioned on the Spanish announcing table, courtesy of Guerrero, who is dispatched by a grueling toss into the shining silver ring steps, courtesy of Michaels, who dares a reckless springboard moonsault from the apron onto the prone champion.
"Holy Maryland, Cole! That was nuts!"
"I'm just glad it wasn't us, partner. Both men aren't moving, but Guerrero seems to be stirring."
After recovering, a frenzy of offensive exchanges between Guerrero and Michaels ends after the former evades the dashing attempt for Sweet Chin Music and delivers a devastating technical trio of suplexes and leaps with ease upon the turnbuckle, signaling to the crowd.
"Somebody's feeling froggy, Cole! HBK's in for it!"
Half-rolling out of the way of the impending move, Guerrero still slams into Michaels' delicate back; after Guerrero's momentum knocks him off Michaels, he begins to scramble towards his wriggling foe, but is blindsided by a returning JBL, who nearly decapitates him with a cringe-worthy Clothesline.
"JBL! What a hit!"
"All the way from Hell, Cole! Guerrero's toast!"
The exhausted champion plops his body over the motionless challenger for the 3 count, which warrants a crescendo of boos from the crowd.
"I told you'd he'd find a way to get the job done, Cole! What a rocket-buster!" Tazz says with finality, exhaling from the excitement as JBL smugly walks out. The intensity skyrockets as a camera dawns upon a black limo. The man that exits can't wait to get free, like a caged animal, one bursting with muscles as an all-business expression accompanies the superstar into the arena.
"Oh, man, Cole! Batista looks like he's out for more than a 10 count tonight! The Dead Man better watch out!" Tazz comments in awe of the fierce superstar as Cole worriedly agrees. "I think you're 100% correct, partner."
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The ring bell clangs into earshot as Tony Chimel announces, "The following 6-man tag match is scheduled for one fall. On the way to the ring, at a combined weight of 497 pounds, the Self-Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas!!"
"Here they come, Tazz, two technically-sound upstarts!"
"Got that right. These two fellas could run laps around you, Cole!"
"How about you, partner?"
"Not for nothing, Cole, but they'd have a tough time dealing with the Human Suplex Machine."
An impressed silence falls over the arena as Chris Masters poses on the ramp, down on one knee with a hand over his face. "From Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 265 lbs, the Masterpiece, Chris Masters!" Masters stomps his way to the ring, walking nonchalantly impressed by his own ego.
"Look at those muscles, Cole. Once those bad guys get a goozle on ya, it ain't pretty."
"How do you think the Masterlock stacks up to the Tazmission, partner?"
"It don't." Tazz chuckles with confidence, but continues in a serious tone. "But this dude's for real."
The name Sylvain echoes through the arena. "From Montreal, Quebec, weighing in at 250 pounds, Sylvain!"
"Now this guy, Cole, he's a bit of a mysterious dude, I'll tell ya."
"He definitely seems to have taken on a new lifestyle since his La Resistance days."
A sultry woman's voice coos through the speakers. "From El Paso, Texas, weighing in at 215 lbs, one-half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Chavo Guerrero!" The technical-savvy superstar taunts his way to the ring, mimicking his uncle Eddie, on the way to the ring.
"Here's hoping Chavo fairs better than his Uncle," Tazz chimes in with a chuckle.
"No questioning that, Tazz."
"HEIDEN! HEIDENREICH! HEIDEN! HEIDENREICH!"
It seems as if Tony Chimel's voice is drowned out by the fearsome, strange presence of the white-haired brute with red attire complete with boxing gloves. "This dude is scary, Cole. Sorry to say that you know from experience, eh?" Cole begs Tazz not to remind him as the match gets underway.
After a competitive exchange between both teams, including tactics inspired by Chavo's "lie, cheat, steal" mantra, all hell breaks loose when all 6 men collide after a pair of hot tags. Chavo is trying to duplicate his uncle's triple suplex from earlier, but as Charlie Haas is raised into the air for the third consecutive motion, Chavo eats the boot of Shelton Benjamin. The super kick knocks Chavo through the ropes.
Meanwhile, Heidenreich swings wildly on the Masterpiece, who latches on his unbreakable full nelson hold. As the crazed superstar struggles to escape, Sylvain is left to fend off two wrestling studs, but is double-teamed which leads to a t-bone suplex courtesy of Benjamin.
The crowd counts along with referee Charles Robinson, but there is no dispute during the match-ending decision. "Forget about it, Cole. Trust me. I put lots of guys away with that one in my day!"
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Hulk Hogan is standing in the ring to the adoration of thousands of Hulk-a-maniacs. He is truly enjoying it, a tear swelling in his eye as he clears his throat.
With a microphone in hand, he addresses the crowd. "Last night, myself and Kurt Angle tore the roof off Wrestlemania. My hat's off to him. He got the best of the Hulkster, but that was then, brother, and this is now." There is a gravelly passion in his voice. It's clear that he has an agenda in mind for tonight as he stares into the camera. "See, tonight, I got something else in mind for all you hulk-a-maniacs! And the man I have in mind is half-responsible for stealing the show at Wrestlemania 18."
The crowd is thrilled at the reference. "I think they know who the Hulkster's talkin' 'bout, Cole!"
"Rock, I know you're back there, brother." Hulk stammers. "I-I know we ain't always seen eye to eye, but like I said, that was then and this is now. Come on out, man."
IF YA SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd ERUPTS into collective cardiac arrest. "There he is, partner, the World Heavyweight Champion, fresh off a long-awaited victory over his arch-nemesis, the Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin."
The Great One, sporting designer shades, a muscle shirt and track pants, commands a microphone and holds a finger out to Hogan, who can tell what's coming next. "FINALLY… THE - ROCK - HAS - COME - BACK - TO - BALTIMORE!" The crowd explodes, shouting along with the People's Champ.
"So, Hulkster…" the champion begins in a calm, inquisitive voice. "You want to go one-on-one with The Rock for an unprecedented 3rd time?"
"That's right, brother." Hogan's eyes are searing through Rock's dark sunglasses. A moment so intense passes and the champion slowly removes his eye covering, as if to speak, but…
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
The Rock acknowledges the affection from the crowd with a deep inhale, shutting his eyes and swimming in the adulation. When he finally speaks, it is barely more than a hushed whisper but he locks eyes with the legendary icon.
"You're on."
They shake hands, The Rock's music resumes and he departs from the ring, with the prized world title hanging over his shoulder. "This is going to be one SmackDown! we'll never forget, Cole."
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While normally the ring bell would alert the crowd of a match, they are greeted with a loud fiery explosion instead as the ramp ignites in flames. Wicked red lights fall over the arena as Kane stalks his way down towards the ring. "Damn, Cole! I never get used to that!" Taz remarks about Kane.
It is then that the ring bell sounds. "The following match is sch--" But Tony Chimel is cut off by the sight of Kane being attacked from behind by none other than Muhammad Hassan, who is greeted with a plethora of boos from the crowd. "What the hell? That's Muhammad Hassan! What is the meaning of this?" The foreigner is piling on the heat, preventing a furious Kane from rallying back up to his feet.
Hassan steps away out of the camera's view and Kane takes the opportunity to recover, but is met with a skull-crushing chair shot that sends him reeling back onto the stage. Still not letting up an inch, he beats Kane into the backstage area. Kane starts to fight back, but security finally pulls the two apart.
A shocked witness to the violent attack, Cole scrambles to put the situation into words as he addresses the home audience through the camera. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, I thought we were going to have a match, but that obviously isn't the case." Tazz shakes his head and chuckles. "Something lit a fire in Muhammad Hassan's rear-end, that's for sure. Traveled right up to his fists."
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"You think you know me? On this day…" Edge, flanked by Christian, makes haste down to the ring in his typically manic mood. He is not dragging his feet. He rips a microphone out of Tony Chimel's grasp. A few boos resonate through the crowd. "Chimel, you're better unseen and unheard, pal. Take a walk." He is obviously in a bad mood, irate voice growling into the microphone.
"I was under the impression I was to have a match tonight. But leave it to a crazed foreigner or the Baltimore Ravens to let you down, right?" The boos grow louder at the insult to the city's NFL team.
As Edge is rambling through his next sentence, an ominous theme cuts into the air. After a moment of brewing, it explodes into a shriek scream of, "One of a kind! Hey! Hey! Hey! One of a kind! Here I see--"
The crowd knows who it is: Mr. Thursday Night, Rob - Van - Dam. And he also has something to say.
"So, you want a match tonight, Edge? Sorry Hassan had to burst your bubble, dude, but when in doubt, turn your hopes to R… V… D." His relaxed arrogance rivaled the Himalayas. "So, what do you say, Mr. Rated R Superstar? Think you're man enough to get in the ring with Mr. Thursday Night?"
"Hold on, 'dude'." Christian interrupts the lightheaded superstar. "Sometimes, you have to ask the Peeps for guidance. If all my peeps in Baltimore want to see yours truly and Edge take on a doped-up underachiever like Van Dam and any other poor sap in the back, make some noise!" A scattering of boos and cheers mix through the crowd in response. "Close enough," Christian answers with a self-convinced look on his face.
"Looks like you got your match, dude." Van Dam eyes the stage entrance and leans on the ropes. "Any takers?" Before RVD gets his wish, he gets a different answer from the Canadian duo. They jump from him behind as a energetic rock theme plays.
"It's Paul London!" Cole announces. London races down to the ring more quickly than usual and fends off RVD's attackers. The four men face each other down, as Christian holds his nose courtesy of London's dropkick. Van Dam raises his arms and points at himself, staring Edge & Christian down.
"R… V…. D…"
"This is sure to be an interesting match! And it's next!"
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Edge and Christian are trying to slow the blitzing speed of London and keep their teeth in one piece as RVD lands a couple of martial arts kicks, springboarding off the ropes. They discard London to the floor and ignore referee Jack Patton's warning about double-teaming Van Dam, who tries to talk some sense into them.
After RVD is subdued by multiple collaborative moves, Edge and Christian beat him down in the corner. Anger is smoldering on Van Dam's face, as London returns to the ring to be greeted by Christian. Edge runs in to the corner for a spear, but RVD flips over him, turns on his heel, and clocks Edge with a brutal spinning kick as Edge pursues the acrobatic brawler. Van Dam quickly races to the turnbuckle and bounces off the top tope, flipping backwards and landing on Edge.
"Vintage RVD!"
"No kidding, Cole. I've been hit with that one once or twice in my day."
Van Dam corrals a pin on Edge, but Christian, having gotten the better of a scuffle with London, intervenes for a close count of 2. They whip RVD into the ropes, who rolls out of the way of an airborne cruiserweight, who has catapulted himself from the apron. He lands on Christian, who uses the momentum of the blow to roll back onto his feet. Meanwhile, Edge has ducked a kick from RVD and has landed a half-nelson face-buster on the kicking machine. He targets London for a spear, but London uses his speed to evade the attack, as Edge rams his shoulder into his partner instead.
Christian grimaces from the pain of the blow and London leaps on top of Edge, who is too close to the ropes. They both tumble over and down to the floor. Van Dam recovers to a standing position, shaking off the face-buster and sees a prone opponent. The crowd immediately recognizes what he's thinking.
RVD deftly sails to the top rope and lands a debilitating Five Star Frog Splash for the 3 count. London returns to the ring and both men celebrate their victory, climbing the turnbuckles at opposite ends of the ring and holding up their arms to the delight of the crowd. RVD is posing again. "What a match!"
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A video plays, recapping what happened specifically between Batista and Undertaker last night at Wrestlemania in their controversial match. A total of 3 sequences are shown: 1) During Undertaker's classic high-flying vault over the ropes, Batista pulled the referee in front of him, who collided with the aerial Deadman; 2) Batista lands a thunderous powerbomb on the undefeated Phenom but there is no referee to count the unquestionable 3 count and then-some, and 3) While Batista was panicking for a referee to show up, the Deadman locked in Hell's Gate (an otherwise banned submission hold, by rule of SmackDown! GM Theodore Long) and subdued Batista, who was unable to prevent a match-ending tombstone piledriver in his weakened state, as a second referee finally ran down to the ring.
Batista makes his rock-heavy entrance, ready for the Last Man Standing match, but saves the usual fireworks as he stomps down to the ring, trying to one-up Edge as he rips the microphone out from Tony Chimel's hand. "How'd it feel announcing a cheater as the winner last night, Chimel?" The Animal growls. "Everyone here knows I should've beaten the Undertaker last night. I don't know what the hell is going on around here, but I'm not gonna wait a whole 'nother year to change things. Undertaker, tonight I'm gonna choke YOU out!" He throws down the microphone, which cuts out upon impact. Batista stomps on the canvas, yelling for his opponent to come to the ring.
The legendary Undertaker makes his chilling dark entrance as the crowd watches in a stunned silence. Before Undertaker can make it to the ring in his slow demonic saunter, Batista meets him halfway between the stage and the squared circle, barking at the Phenom as they engage in blows.
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After 15 insane minutes of reckless brawling, cameramen, referees and steel steps are scattered around the ring. Undertaker has been tested by the might of Batista, who is hell-bent on killing the Deadman, having choked him at times with his massive arms. The action continues after a count of 7 leaves Undertaker stumbling to his feet after a bone-shattering spinebuster on the steel steps.
The two violent combatants make their way over to the only announcing table left, which is quickly demolished as Undertaker reverses a powerslam by rolling off Batista's shoulders and chokeslams him through it. Batista slowly makes his way up to this feet, but the Undertaker is waiting for him.
"Not a tombstone piledriver on the floor?!"
"Taker ain't playing around anymore, Cole!"
But Batista mimics Undertaker's reversal and rolls off his shoulder, the swing of momentum shoving the Phenom forward, who turns around to engage once more. But Batista has already built up a full head of steam. A war cry roars from the Animal's as the Undertaker is speared through the barricade.
"Oh my god!" Cole exclaims. The crowd anxiously waits, half of them rooting for the Deadman to rise from the calamity, the other half cheering in support of Batista, who is clutching his shoulder.
"The Undertaker's toast, Cole!"
"Batista's trying to answer the count. Referee's up to 8."
But Batista can't make it to his feet in time. The match is ruled a no-contest. The Animal clutches his shoulder, seething in pain and smacking the overturned steel steps. Chaos is prevalent. Tables have been destroyed, along with the security barrier, near which the Undertaker has still failed to show any signs of survival. But the chaos inside of Batista may be the worst one of all, as he falls into a tantrum.
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"Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, we still have a World Title match tonight."
"You ain't kidding! This has been one crazy ass night! Rocket-buster's an understatement! Whew!"
The melodic, heavy music of Jimi Hendrix flows through the arena. The crowd knows who it is for. Hulk Hogan makes quite an entrance, posing to the fans as he enters the ring. The crowd is about to faint.
But a considerable portion of the crowd embrace a fickle turn as The Rock makes his entrance. "From Miami, Florida, weighing in at 265 pounds, the World Heavyweight Champion, The… Rock!"
"It's Wrestlemania all over again, Cole! I can't wait! What a main event!"
"Both men staring each other down. Who will be the better man tonight?"
The Rock has landed the People's Elbow, but a power surge flows through the Hulkster, who kicks out at the count of two. "He's hulking up, Cole! What's the Rock gonna do now? Better do somethin' quick!"
And The Rock does. After being driven back by a trio of punches, Hogan whips the Great One into the ropes, but The Rock twists mid-way through the ring and delivers a kick to Hogan's gut. He tries his luck and runs into the ropes, but Hogan raises a boot. "Look ou--" Tazz quickly remarks, but is cut off as The Rock ducks the kick attempt. Hogan swings around with a clothesline, the crowd in a stoked frenzy, Hulk-a-mania fueling the 25-inch python that is about to take the Rock's head off. "Clothesl--"
"Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom!"
"Damn! The Rock got all of that one!"
1! 2! 3!
Referee Mike Chioda makes the count, the bell rings and The Rock's music plays despite some boos. He claims the title that is rightfully his own and climbs the turnbuckle, raising to a mixed reaction.
Hogan slowly rises to his feet and the two men shake hands after a brilliant contest. "Respect, Cole, respect. The Rock was the better man tonight, but that match was off the chain. What a SmackDown!"
"I'm with ya, partner. What a fantastic way to kick off this season of SmackDown!"
"Preach it, Cole! I got goosebumps! I wonder what the heck is gonna happen next week!"
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